photo by David Goehring
We had our fingerprints taken last weekend. We will have our final foster care home inspection in a couple weeks.
It’s all getting close. It’s all getting super real.
It reminds me a lot of this time two years ago, when I was sitting around with a huge pregnant belly and crossing off the final days until Javi’s due date. There is plenty to read. Countless little things we could do to prepare. And still…SO much unknown.
We don’t know how long it will be before we have a placement. And once we do, we don’t know how long he/she will be a part of our family. Maybe a week. Maybe months. Maybe years. Maybe forever.
To even try to put into words the emotions that are swirling in my heart is difficult. But I’m usually better at writing them down than speaking them. People ask me how it’s going or how I’m feeling and usually I freeze and give some simple “we’re excited!” answer, which is TRUE, but it’s also not the whole picture.
Yes, I’m excited. I’m also nervous and scared and trying hard to be brave while secretly thinking maybe we are crazy.
I don’t like messy emotions. Mine or other people’s. I get awkward. I feel uncomfortable. Yes, I’m getting better at it. I know it’s all normal and healthy and good to feel all the things but it’s still not fun for me at all.
Foster care is ALL about messy emotions.
Which is probably why when I start to talk about it, all my thoughts come rushing at once and I’m not even sure where to begin.
Because right now I’m sitting on the couch, wearing comfy pants in front of the fireplace. Cozy, warm and at home. I’m comfortable and life is GOOD.
But I also know that right now, there is a family out there who is not comfortable. Something in their life is going really wrong. Lots of somethings. And odds are that it has been like that for a long time.
And my comfort and their discomfort are rushing towards each other, about to collide head on in the form of a child.
The enormity of that is overwhelming and humbling. I know it is going to hurt and stretch us in ways we can’t even fully comprehend. Our comfortable is going to be shaken. We are also going to learn and laugh and be silly and find lots of joy.
And through it all, we will have the sacred privilege of helping to piece back together precious broken things.